i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
