i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
