First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
