i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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