shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
