I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you will always have a special place in my vag
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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