the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Im part way to drunk.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
