saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
