when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
