I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Two words: nipple clamps
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