Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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