So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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