If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
