i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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