My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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