my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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