He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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