i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
