sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
