Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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