hotel room ftw
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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