I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
