Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Holy sore nipples Batman
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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