New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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