I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
People in love make me want to vomit
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
