It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
