Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
