He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is Oprah even human
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You ruined the universe
Randomize
