you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
