Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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