New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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