It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
