i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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