my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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