woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
