Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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