So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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