We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
