He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
