Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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