His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
