My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
