She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
