God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
