I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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