Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
