Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
