I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
