I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
