I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
