I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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