i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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