I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
