If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
