When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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