before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
