I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
