Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
