i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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