You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
