Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
