So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
