Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
