My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
