Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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