i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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