Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
