She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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