dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
