I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
