i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
