you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
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I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
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Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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