I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
