Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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