dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
