I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think I have vodka in my lungs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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