dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
