are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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