I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
