I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
