She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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